


It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

by Sylcia



Category: Gintama
Genre: Anal Sex, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Pining, Romance, Sexual Tension, Some Humor, takes place before SA
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-04-05 17:14:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19044823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylcia/pseuds/Sylcia
Summary: Gintoki joins the Shinsengumi on a whim. A certain man helps him find a meaningful reason to stay.





	1. With you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My personal goal of this story is learning how to write third person deep POV. Please let me know how it goes along the way. I also wanted this to be a serious romance, instead of a crackfic. So now it's only a half crackfic. And I'm a half-crack princess. 
> 
> I do not own Gintama nor any of the characters. That's Hideaki Sorachi.  
> I also do not own the lyrics used in the title. That's Chris Isaak.

 

_'This week we're showcasing the latest victory of the Shinsengumi over an extremist jouishishi faction, Chonmageitai. Our reporter, Ketsuno Ana is at the scene of the events.'_

  _'Yes, this is Ketsuno Ana. I am very excited to be here.'_

"Neee, Gin-chan. Was she bribed by the corrupt government? How much do you think they paid her?"

"More than you could eat. Now hush."

Watching the news at Yorozuya headquarters has become so predictable. Every single day the tax thieves caught some bad guys, a representative tax thief gave an interview, the crowds applauded and Kagura cringed with disgust, until she lost her patience. Shattered display repairs slimmed down their wallet considerably. Only Ketsuno Ana's presence made it all worthwhile. 

_'Even though they are a powerful force, the Shinsengumi is still looking for new recruits. We hope that all brave men of Edo join them to strengthen our country.'_

"Neee, Gin-chan, you remember that Pacchi and I are leaving tomorrow?"

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Don't mingle with sadists and gorillas while we're away."

"Actually," Shinpachi broke in the conversation, "maybe you should consider it, Gin-san. How will you support yourself during those three weeks?"

So annoying. "And what do gorillas have to do with my support?"

"Money, Gin-san. Good money. You could try to persuade that stalker to leave my sister alone, too. We would greatly appreciate it."

"As if I'd ever... ouch-" Gintoki pulled the last hair out of his nose.

 

 

The next day, his kids set off on their family vacation with Sadaharu and the older Shimura.

At last, Gintoki was left alone with the only voice he wanted to hear. His One True Love™ smiled ever so sweetly from the screen. And yet, he couldn't relax, because the subject of her chirping bordered insanity.

_'Welcome to "Find your perfect husband with Ketsuno Ana!" In today's episode we will talk about finding a husband in the Shinsengumi. Let's meet our guests-'_

"I should just put this on mute." He slowly raised from the couch and walked up to the TV.

  _'An elegant shirt, a tight, black vest and pants that leave little to the imagination. My future husband definitely has to wear these.'_

"This is it. Good bye."

A short static later, silence prevailed in the room. Her future husband? The woman's last words replayed relentlessly in his head, filling the uncomfortable void. He used to work in worse conditions to get laid, even for free. God damn. Shinpachi would be proud that he considers it... Defeated, he dressed up and picked up his helmet.

_At least I'll go get that uniform._

 

 

"I must say that you surprised me here, Yorozuya. Why do you want to join us?"

"I'll be honest with you, commander." Gintoki stretched out his neck and looked into the distance. "You are lucky. Women these days love the Shinsengumi. I have no choice but to comply."

As expected, Kondo became more lively in his seat. "R-really? Do you think Otae-san, too-"

"Absolutely. If she watches the same news channel, she'll be banging at your door in no time." Bingo.

"I see. Then, it is settled. Welcome aboard, Sakata-kun! I have to notify-" The shortest job interview in history was interrupted by a sudden intrusion into the room. "Ah, Toshi! I was about to send someone for you!"

"I've finished your reports, Kondo-san." Hijikata put a stack of papers on the desk and took a long drag on his cigarette. "What is Yorozuya doing here?"

"Sakata-kun has joined our force. I'm going to announce it on the morning assembly."

"Oh, okay. LIKE HELL, HE HAS! Commander, you can't just make a decision like that by yourself. Not without a background check on this guy's shady past." Hijikata pierced Gintoki with a sidelong glare.

"Toshiiii, calm down. He's already fought by our side many times, this is just a natural progression of things." Kondo scratched his head and nodded to himself. "Right! He will be your new protégé."

"Why him?!"

"Yeah, why me?" Gintoki found himself agreeing with the most disagreeable person in the room.

"Guys, guys, don't be like that. You've known each other for a long time."

In truth, that lengthy aquaintance did nothing except validate Gintoki's opinion on the matter. Hijikata wasn't a bad man, but he was easily offended and competed with him like a tsundere over the stupidest subjects. Not exactly a good material for a mentor.

"Kondo-san, the least you could do was to discuss it with me beforehand."

"It will be fine, Toshi. Now go, be friendly and show our new colleague around."

"Tch." Hijikata bit his cigarette and turned around. Gintoki took it as his cue to follow him into an inner corridor.

 

 

They stopped a couple of doors later. "Listen up... Sakata. I don't know your reasons for being here, but-"

"My only reason is Ketsuno Ana's-"

"Of course you'd say something perverted like that."

"Wait, I haven't said 'ass', ye-"

"Anyway. This is your bedroom. Normally new recruits sleep together in a common area, but the commander insisted on being nice to you. So, there." Hijikata slid open the door to a small room with tatami mats.

"Woah, Toshi, that's almost friendly, I-"

"Second issue. From now on, I am your vice-commander. This is the only way you are ever going to address me. Anything lesser than that and you're out. Understood?"

"Sure." _Jerk._

"Since you'll work directly under me, we'll have a similar schedule. The morning meeting in the assembly hall starts at 8. If you're late, it's seppuku. Are you even capable of waking up early?"

 _There was a time when I had to._ Gintoki closed his eyes and inhaled. The bitter smell of the barracks - smoke, wood, leather and steel - stirred up a familiar feeling in his guts. "Why would you care?"

"Because it's sepp- ...uh, nevermind. Just one more thing. Take a seat." He motioned inside the room and they sat down on the floor. "Here, in the Shinsengumi... we obey the written code to maintain the order, but everyone keeps his own samurai rules. We swear to protect the shogunate, yet we fight and die for something much greater. I would give my life for my comrades, I would... why am I even telling you all this? Sorry."

These were sweet sentiments, worthy of admiration from his troops. Hijikata has grown since their first encounter and now, maybe they were not so different. Gintoki wasn't as stubborn as to not admit the fact. "I appreciate it, vice-commander."

"You..." Hijikata's eyes widened slightly for a couple of seconds until he looked away. Was he always this shy? He stood up and faced the exit. "If you need anything, my room is the next door on the left. I'll see you around."

A faint shadow lingered a while behind the paper wall and then disappeared completely. For once, Gintoki didn't mind the thought of seeing his face again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter is kind of finished, so I'll be posting soon.


	2. I don't want to fall in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aka "Toshi's miserable adventures."

 

"I'm sure many of you already know the Odd Jobs' boss, a friend of my beloved Otae-san. This brave samurai has saved Edo multiple times and earned a reputation of the invincible warrior. But from today, we will know him as our dear comrade - Sakata Gintoki of the Shinsengumi."

Hijikata hardly resisted the urge to facepalm at the commander's speech. Over the top, absurd and doomed to prove unnecessary. He peeked over to his side - Gintoki looked as impassive as ever. The only difference was the uniform, which highlighted his pale skin and frosty cloud of hair. The subtle contrast of gold and silver, the effortless way he pulled it off, all captivated Hijikata to the point of anger.

He snapped out of it only when a firm hand patted his arm. "Toshi. It's your turn. Squad arrangements."

Welcome to a crappy day.

"Yes, umm. Divisions 8th to 10th, get ready to head out on the streets. The rest of you, maggots, prepare your training gear. We'll show some invincible hero how the real men fight."

 

 

An hour later, their dojo has turned into a field hospital.

A bamboo sword was supposed to be a low-risk weapon, but the smug bastard sent his opponents flying across the hall. A dozen men slumped under the wall, some puked outside. Few persevered and still wanted to try their skills. Hijikata had to intervene soon and he didn't like it.

"Oi, Yamazaki. Where's Okita?"

"The captain volunteered to go on patrol with the other squads, vice-commander."

"Tch, that brat... always doing the opposite..."

It was bad.

"Vice-commander, help us!" A bunch of injured men now switched their attention to him. "Defend our honor! Don't let the new guy win!"

Very, very bad.

"Alright, morons. It seems like we gained a worthy addition to our ranks. That's why I've decided to train him personally." Hijikata marched into the center and pointed his sword at Gintoki, who slouched on the floor and picked his ear. "Sakata, you come with me. The rest of you, resume your practice."

On their way out, Hijikata grabbed Yamazaki by the collar. "Stand guard and don't let anybody disturb us," he whispered behind his back. "You know what happens if you fail, right?"

"Yes, vice-commander. I promise to kill myself!" Well, he sounded thoroughly prepared for a failure.

 

 

They moved into a smaller gym. Hijikata was thankful that Gintoki behaved quite civil and didn't question his authority. Even though the personal training was just an excuse, a small part of him looked forward to being close together. A bond of friendship, watching each others' back, the connection they experienced during their fights - Hijikata wanted more of it. Still, he realized that other times the perm used to act like a total dickhead. As expected, after they closed the doors, he dropped the humble facade and burst into laughter.

"My, my... so the Demonic Vice-Chief is scared of losing in front of his subordinates?"

"Tch. You were lowering their morale. And who said I'd lose?"

Gintoki, although still visibly amused, assumed his fighting stance. Hijikata didn't need an extra invitation - he tamed his heartbeat and leaped forward with all his might.

_One. Fake a swing on his head. Make him defend. Shift your arm. Slice his stomach._

_Two. Parry his counterattack above your head. Hit his leg. Disengage._

_Three. Extend your arm. Threaten. Keep your distance. Breathe._

_Four..._ Gintoki broke through his line, dropped the sword and tackled him onto the floor, knocking the air out of his lungs. Hijikata struggled, only to find himself constrained, as Gintoki quickly pinned both his arms to his sides.

"I won." Ridiculous.

"If it was a real swordfight," Hijikata argued, "you'd be dead after my first blow. You didn't even touch me."

"I'm literally sitting on you right now. Or do you think I'm not strong enough to strangle or beat you to death with my fists?"

Gintoki's words made him truly aware of his compromised position. Sprawled on the ground, unable to move, with another body tightly connected to his own. Blood rushed faster through his veins. Fear? No, it was different. And it needed to stop. Victory wasn't a priority anymore.

"Sure, you won in wrestling. Why don't you get off me already."

"Oh, I just thought you looked fine under me. Sorry."

_You... what?_

Gintoki stood up and Hijikata instantly missed the weight on his hips from a moment ago. A heatwave spread across his cheeks. He should retaliate at the stupid perm making fun of him. He should...

"Hey, you gonna lie there all day?"

"Uh, no..." He sat up carefully but his body ached from the impact, unfit for any further exertion. "We should go and shower before our shift."

 

 

The Shinsengumi's bathroom wasn't exactly private. A couple of shower heads and drains in an open space, no shields or curtains - a standard military facility. Hijikata, on the other hand, was a man of privacy. That was why he always made sure to go there alone. Except now he didn't.

Whatever. He would ignore the other's presence and finish his business fast.

"Man, look at the bruise you gave me. It's gonna be nasty."

Okay, screw plan A. Go plan B. _Act natural._

"Y-yeah." Hijikata turned to Gintoki, who rubbed his naked torso. A sight for sore eyes. He genuinely felt bad for damaging that toned abdomen. "Sorry about that."

"Really? You apologize? No more snide remarks?"

"Fuck off."

"That's more like it." Gintoki smirked. Was that idiot testing him? Damn, he needed more self-control to survive this ordeal.

They undressed and stepped under the showers. Hijikata tried to keep his eyes down, but his will weakened with each furtive glance to the man next to him. He was disappointed with himself and still, the lust built its way up. Suddenly, Gintoki turned 90°, granting him a full view of his back and Hijikata considered it a permission to stare without restraints. Since he would never get a chance to touch him that way, it was fair... no, who was he kidding? He allowed a selfish desire to govern his judgement. 

Gintoki's muscles flexed back and forth while he washed his head. Drops of soapy water streamed down his broad shoulders and spine onto the round, smooth buttocks. One shameless trail slid right in between.

Hijikata burned the scene into his memory and cooled himself with an ice cold shower to conceal his growing problem and cleanse the thoughts. His past self would probably tell him to commit seppuku for letting it all happen. Now, he was simply helpless and horny.

 

 

Later that day they went on patrol with Kondo and Sougo. In this setup, Hijikata could pass on the small talk and focus on thinking. Thinking about the ways to get rid of Gintoki before his... attraction, or however you put it, becomes obvious. To be seen vulnerable like that was unacceptable, for everyone's sake.

Kondo seemed pleased with Gintoki's ability to turn half of the Shinsengumi incapacitated for a week. Hijikata didn't disagree - if the perm wasn't so lazy, he probably would make up for it. The two of them alone used to bring down a whole platoon of jouishishi. Nonetheless, he wished he could make Gintoki disappear. For now, he expected him to make some fatal mistake or break the Kyokuchuu Hatto.

He was also waiting for Sougo to make a move, since he hasn't tried to kill him with a bazooka yet. Well. Anytime soon.

"Neee, Hijikata-san, I've heard that certain someone has kicked your ass today."

"Who told you that?!"

"No one. But since you didn't deny it, I can finally rest in peace-"

"Actually, that's not true," Gintoki interjected. "We had a draw." Interesting. The sadistic duo usually worked together. It wasn't unwelcome, though.

"Hmmph, whatever you say, danna... I mean, Sakata-kuuun. You wanna waste some tax payers' money on dango?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

They went into a dango shop, while Hijikata remained outside, pondering again. How could he kick Gintoki out, when it was always Sougo who disobeyed authority and encouraged breaking the rules? It was a dead end.

Gintoki came back with two plates. "There. Brought you dango with mayonnaise. I promise it's not poisoned." Hijikata slowly took the plate from his hands and stared at it in disbelief. "Oi, if you don't want it, I'll feed it to the dogs. Stop being so grumpy."

"Thanks."

He wanted to enjoy it, he really did. But not even mayo could soothe his heart, as it threatened to jump right out of his chest. Or cure the anxiety that came with it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your lovely comments. I hope to post the next chapter in about a week.


	3. What a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm anxious to post the whole story already, because I hate this chapter. But here it is. Deal with it.

 

Darkness. Pitch-black darkness, and even so, a darker shadow. Human in form, but crawling like a beast. Closer. Toushirou stood there and waited for an attack that never came.

What he received instead compelled him to submit. The shadow's predatory touch spread pleasure all over his body. Its fingernails marked his thighs and scratched and pulled at the fabric of his pants. It used its teeth to unzip them, then dived in to nibble at his boxers. It found a semi-erect cock and encased it in wet heat through the material, which was soon damp with saliva and precum. He jerked his hips to gain more friction but the shadow held him in place. It teased him further with its lips, brushing lightly against his hipbones and abs.

At long last it satisfied his impatience and pulled all the garments down. His exposed dick sprung up high, almost hitting his stomach. The shadow put its slippery tongue to work, licking him unbearably slowly from balls to the tip. It dedicated extra time to swirl around the head and trail hungry kisses along the way - each one eliciting an involuntary twitch. Then it took him inside its hot mouth, deeper and deeper until he was fully engulfed, while its hands groped and squeezed his ass.

He reached out to pet the shadow's head. Soft curls. Silver. It looked at him with fiery red eyes.

"Gintoki..."

 

 

Hijikata's loud alarm clock brought him back to reality in the most painful manner. A mess of a man - hot, sweaty and hard - he breathed heavily and checked his surroundings. His room was empty, but the person responsible for his state probably slept just one thin wall away from him.

It wasn't enough that he had lain restless for half of the night because of nagging thoughts and fantasies that he refused to succumb to. Gintoki had to torment him even in his dreams. Hijikata laughed at himself, choking back the tears, because it was so pitiful.

 

 

"Please, listen to me for a while longer!" Kondo begged for attention while everyone else discussed the last evening's soap opera. "We've received new guidelines from pops Matsudaira. All recent members of the police must undergo a basic first aid training. You will be instructed by your captains."

Hijikata had kept his cool since the morning breakdown, or so he thought. He mentally prepared for the absolute worst shit today, so Kondo's words had no effect on him. Forced to be alone with his trainee again? No problem. At least first aid didn't include fighting and showers. He would live.

 

 

They took a CPR training dummy with them and went to Gintoki's room. He looked good today. And carefree. And despicable. They sat down facing each other, guidelines in hands.

"This is troublesome," Hijikata said.

"Yes, it is," Gintoki replied. Great. They've established something.

"Well. Can you do it?"

"Of course, I can. During the war... I mean, yeah."

The war... Gintoki's features darkened when he mentioned it. Just another aspect that thrilled Hijikata, who cursed his natural inclination to danger. He wanted to hear more, but it wasn't a right moment to ask.

"Then show me and let's get it over with."

Gintoki placed himself above the mannequin and started to pump its chest rhytmically. He did put some effort in it and pressed hard and fast. Could save a life, maybe. Next, he tilted its head and proceeded with mouth-to-mouth rescue breaths. Hijikata swallowed hard, though not sure why. Gintoki continued with another cycle, but this time he watched him curiously with those unnerving, red orbs.

As Gintoki finished the second cycle of chest compressions and bent down for the rescue breaths, he didn't break the eye contact. Hijikata felt like he was falling into some horrible trap, because right now he couldn't stop his reactions, like a dog conditioned in a laboratory. He licked his lips and Gintoki smirked.

"So, how is it, vice-commander? Would you like to switch places?"

"What? You're aware that I don't need this train-"

"No, I meant with the doll."

Silence.

"If you wanted a kiss, you could just ask. Gin-san can be very generous sometimes, you know? But don't worry about it, I understand..."

Forget about the cool. Hijikata was furious.

"How... dare you..." He gritted his teeth and punched the floor. "How dare you spout such nonsense?! Leave me alone and fucking die or I'll kill you myself!" He stormed out of the room and ran as far away as he needed to exhaust his frenzy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Later during the day, Gintoki went on patrol with Sougo. To his annoyance, the kid was able to blabber only about one topic.

"Danna, you amaze me. I've never seen Hijikata so agitated. Ever since you've joined us, he's on a new level of edgy," Sougo said with admiration, which was creepy as hell compared to his usual lazy tone. "How do you manage it?"

"I guess I have this special something." Gintoki didn't really know how to address the issue without being inconsiderate of Hijikata. "By the way, what happened to him today?"

"I wish you'd tell me, danna. Apparently, we only saw the aftershocks. He prostrated himself before Kondo-san to make him send someone else on patrol with you."

"I figured that's why you're here."

"Yeah, but here's the best part. The commander became so worried about him, that he decided to throw a little party tonight in the barracks. We're gonna get completely smashed and it's all thanks to you, danna."

Gintoki was fine with drinking, but there were all sorts of things that could go wrong with Hijikata. Being killed by him was first on the list. If he managed to survive, then maybe he could also save  _him_ from an utter embarrassment.

Then, maybe the alcohol would tell him a secret of why the hell did he even care. Or why did he say all the shit that put him in this situation in the first place. As always, he hasn't given it much thought, just acted on a feeling.

_What's a healthy human response to the lustful eyes of Hijikata Toushirou, anyway? What would the reader do? What would the frickin' author do?!_

For a man, he wasn't ugly enough to automatically turn him down. And as a man, obviously he wasn't worth pursuing either, so no desperation here. It was the other who was clearly desperate for _something_ and yet, denied it. Tsunderes were always so hard to understand.

 

 

Gintoki took his time before showing up - one or two drinks would soften Hijikata a bit. However, it looked like he was about one bottle too late for the party. The hall was filled with loud drunkards doing drunken things, led by their naked and drunk gorilla of a commander.

"Sakata-kuuun! Here, here!" Sougo shouted from across the room but Gintoki waited. Hijikata then slowly lifted his gaze from his cup and nodded to him.

_Safe._

He sighed and approached them cautiously, still planning to take a place at an appropriate distance. He stopped, startled when Hijikata moved towards him. _Not safe?_

He grabbed his sleeve and pulled him down to a cushion next to him. "Sit here."

"Uh, hi, what's going on?" A little panicked, Gintoki searched for clues. In himself, in Sougo, or in someone's well-defined chest between the folds of a black yukata. ~~Scratch that last line.~~

"Aaah, Sakata-kun, we were just arguing that you will totally drink more bottles of sake than Hijikata-san."

"Sure thing. Wait, no-"

"FUCKING BRING IT ON," Hijikata yelled like a madman.

_..._

_Definitely not safe._

 


	4. What a wicked game you played to make me feel this way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm bringing you even more (crack) comedy, especially under this title. Toshi was more reliable as a narrator, after all. His feelings are serious. Gin just keeps whispering cheesy one-liners into my head all the time, lol

 

_My head... hurts... why is my pillow so..._

"Argh," the pillow rasped. "Get off."

 _Noooooooo no no no no no._ Gintoki tumbled on the floor and backed down to the wall. Hijikata sat up and glared daggers at him. Then his attention drifted to... crap, an actual dagger.

_Quick, Gin-san, think of something witty!_

"Vice-commander, before you kill me, consider that at least one part of you is happy to see me." Gintoki winked _very hard_ and Hijikata took the hint, a crimson hue painted on his face. He covered himself with a blanket like his life depended on it.  _Alright, he's grounded._

"WHAT the FUCK are YOU doing in MY room." Hijikata resorted to verbal violence.

"I wish I knew. Did you drag me here or...?"

"I don't even remember coming here." Awesome. So they just teleported. Or used a time machine and skipped to a scene after they finally fucked. ~~Scratch that last part.~~

"Hijikata-saaan? Sakata-kuuun? Are you up?" Ah, the sadist. It must be one of his practical jokes. He entered the room without a further warning. "Had a wild night, huh?"

Hijikata tensed. Gintoki's sixth sense alerted him that if he allowed him to rage now, then they would never find out the truth. He put on his prettiest smile and took over the conversation.

"Okita-kun! It's lovely to see you indeed! Would you, by any chance, care to remind us what happened during the party? I seem to have lost track."

"Oh, is that so?" Sougo smirked, obviously seeing through his bullshit. _But if he can embarrass us more, he will._ "Okay, just this once, out of my deep respect for you, danna...

"So your first bottle was forced down your throat, courtesy of Hijikata-san right here. Unfortunately you didn't throw up on him, but it was close."

 _See? It's your fault._ Gintoki cast a reproachful look at Hijikata, while the other pretended he didn't listen to the story.

"Then you drank almost normally. You started to play rock-paper-scissors to determine who'd be next in line, but didn't set any rules, so you both drank your shots anyway. By the end of your second bottle you became best friends and sang 'We are the champions.' We seriously wanted to kick you out after that but Hijikata-san declared that he's the only one who will kick you-"

"Abshufusghjsdfdh," Hijikata simulated a coughing fit. What a moron.

"Don't mind him. Continue."

"On your third bottle you engaged in your typical staring contest. Tedious, if you ask me. Then I had to escort Kondo-san to his quarters. When I came back, you were sleeping on Hijikata's arm-"

"ABASDJFHDFKsDJG, DGUDGIUIDNNDOIUGRI," this time Gintoki suffered from a coughing fit. A real one.

"Danna?"

"Yeah, ekhm, don't mind me."

"So you slept on his arm and Hijikata was extremely pleased with himself, like he won the freaking lottery or whatever. And then he dozed off too. We gathered some men to take you to your rooms, but you two looked too adorable and no one wanted to split you. So we dumped you here together. By the way, my division is collecting bets and it's currently 22 to 13 that you're top-"

"YES THANK YOU very much, Sadist-kun. Now please excuse me as I'm gonna throw up and get ready for the day." Gintoki made a dash for the exit, not looking back.

They might have diverted to 'best friends' when drunk, but a hungover Hijikata would be even more hostile than normal. The screams he still heard after going to the bathroom confirmed that. Oi, was that an explosion just now? Gosh, if it made a hole in the wall adjacent to his room...

Except it wasn't _his_ room. It wasn't _his_ place.

Impressive, how it all crumbled in less than three days. What a hindrance he's become to the order of the Shinsengumi - a true jouishishi, as Zura would say. How he disappointed someone who used to risk his life for him and who low-key told him he would do that again when he came here. Not like Gintoki wouldn't do the same. It was easier to show your loyalty with actions, than to sit down and clarify the misunderstandings.

Incredible, how - although unconscious - he still managed to land in his bed. Life had a strange means of bringing them together, primarily in the most dreadful circumstances. Gintoki sniffed his yukata before changing into a uniform. It smelled of Hijikata's cigarettes and his own regret.

 

 

For most of the day, Gintoki avoided other Shinsengumi members, especially the 1st division. He helped with minor tasks around the compound and that took a little bit of guilt from his shoulders. The plan was to leave tonight, drink and forget.

He finished some chores and walked back to the bedroom, when a thick cloud of smoke blocked his way. 

"I've been searching for you. Come to my office in a minute," spoke a low voice behind the fog.

"Huh, you really want-"

"No, I don't want to see you." Hijikata puffed out even more smoke to prove his point. "And for this precise reason I asked Kondo-san to let me do paperwork for the rest of eternity. But apparently, it's a perfect opportunity to teach you how to write reports."

"Sure. Fine," Gintoki said to no one. The man was gone.

_I suppose being fired will be more classy than a fake disappearance._

 

 

It was obvious that there would be no lessons, only writing the damned reports. Gintoki's portion was significantly smaller than Hijikata's though, which was an insult to his natural skills, but convenient. He had plenty of space to analyse the other man and come up with tactics for their inevitable confrontation.

Hijikata sat about two meters from him, next to his sword and a neatly folded jacket that he took off earlier. His bangs fell loosely whenever he bent his head over the papers, half-covering his focused expression. So absorbed in his work, he was a pleasant sight. A freshly opened pack of cancer sticks on his desk shrank every 3 minutes on average. If that was his only packet, then Gintoki had exactly one hour before shit hits the fan.

The time passed in peace but then the last cigarette glowed. Hijikata had to be aware of this, because he put down his brush and dragged the moment for as long as he physically could. The ashtray was already full, an evidence of his subdued anger. Gintoki was ready for the blow. Any second now.

"Why are you here?"

"Because you asked me-"

"No, I mean why are you really here." Hijikata shifted his body to properly face Gintoki. "Why did you enroll in the Shinsengumi? To torment me? Is this some kind of a prank you prepared with Sougo? You knew how it was gonna be from the start. We hate each other."

Gintoki sighed. "Let me get some things straight, chief. First of all, I don't hate you." _I could even like you, if you weren't such a bitch._ "I don't side with Sougo." _Who would trust him anyway?_   "When I enrolled, I thought it would be fine." _I didn't plan to stay here anyway._ "I never wanted to make you loathe your job." _The Shinsengumi and the whole Edo needs you._

Hijikata's expression softened, like it finally dawned on him that he wasn't dealing with an enemy, so Gintoki continued. "That's honestly how I feel. But now, let me ask you a question in return. If you hate me so much, then why did you stare at me like that?"

"Wh-what do you mean 'like that'? Like what..."

"God fucking help me. You just blushed! So I think you know what I mean." _And I think I screwed up again._

Hijikata covered his face with his palms. This picture alone was ten times worse than all the earlier screaming and wrath.

"Wait, vice-commander, I'm sorry. Look at me, please. I don't mind. Whatever it is, I don't mind. And I will always respect you. But if we're to clear the air between us, I need you to tell me. What do you really want? Or wish, or.. desire?"

He didn't reply, but at least this time he also didn't run away. Hijikata's features showed discomfort, an inner battle, as he looked at Gintoki. It sure took courage to stay here and address the tricky question. For a split second his eyes wandered to Gintoki's mouth. And again.

_So he wants THIS._

"Okay, listen. I'm your subordinate now, like the guys you beat the shit out of every day. You can handle it. Order me around. Say one word and I'll do it, like your own private Yorozuya. You can ask me to buy you Mayoboros, or to just get out of here. But, if there's something else on your mind... my offer from yesterday's training still stands." _Can't make it easier for you. It's now or never, V-bangs._

Hijikata bit his lip and immediately regretted it with a sigh. But a second later he changed the attitude, straightened his back and cleared his throat. 

"As your superior, I hope you understand that this conversation is highly confidential, Sakata."

"Of course-"

"Come."

Gintoki has never obeyed so fast. In one swift motion he landed on his hands and knees mere inches before Hijikata's face. He planned to eat him right away, but instead froze in one dimension and gazed into the leaden pools of uncertainty and passion. Only an increasing dizziness, caused by the exchange of their hot breaths, marked the passage of time. They were so close. Suddenly a firm hand on his nape and parted lips gently pressed against his own brought him back to the present. Surprise. He was the one being kissed. 

_Since when am I on the receiving end in this business?_

_At least thirteen people thought so._

He regained control by sliding his tongue into Hijikata's mouth and drew their bodies closer. As expected, a heavy taste of tobacco overflowed his senses, but it was spiced with a hint of sexual arousal, a mixture designed to allure and induce the most primal responses. Not a fair game in his book, too irresistible to withdraw. Gintoki prayed that he made him feel just as good. Okay, he probably did, judging by how the other man shivered under his touch. He experimentally stroked his thigh and Hijikata let out a soft moan.

Then a bang on the door almost scared them to death.

"Vice-commander, I have an urgent report. Can I come in?" It was Jimmy. Jimmy the cockblocker.

Hijikata must have awakened his Rinnegan, because he instantly used the Almighty Push™ and straightened his clothes without delay. "Come in, Yamazaki."

Jimmy the... nevermind, opened the door and saluted. "Sir, we've found a new terrorist hideout. The commander requests your immediate presence to hear the details and develop a strategy for the operation. Oh, and Sakata-kun, too!" He finally noticed Gintoki recovering in the corner and threw a sheepish grin.

"Sure, we'll be there in a minute. Anything else?" Hijikata asked.

"Yes, ummm, sir... Should I call a nurse? You and Sakata-kun look like you've got a fever-"

"GET OUT," they bellowed simultaneously.

"Hai!" Yamazaki fled with a speed of light. They chuckled in a wordless agreement.

Hijikata stood up. "Well, it seems important. Let's get some ice for our sorry faces and then head to the commander's office."

"Wait." Gintoki rushed to him. "Just one more..." He grasped his chin and kissed him, like a hungry demon he was. No regrets. Luckily, Hijikata didn't object to the treatment. With one last swirl of tongue, Gintoki pulled back. "Now we can go."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *self-pat on the back for making a Naruto reference*
> 
> So, what do you think?  
> Give me about 2 weeks for the next chapter. I hope the upcoming plot will tame my Gin-chan a bit.
> 
> Update: I dealt with anxiety and depression and gender issues for the past days and I couldn't stick to the writing plan. Been on a trip too. I'll finish it when I get back home and clear my head.


	5. The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late. Depression and anxiety happened.  
> I might change my nickname on here from female to male. Just letting you know.  
> It'll be fine tho. 
> 
> I feel a need to revise the previous chapters before tackling the next one, because I'm constantly learning how to write prose and then forget half of the things, and then relearn. However, if I keep up a good mood, I'll finish everything fast.

 

On a hot day like this, you don't even step outside your house, let alone travel beyond the outskirts of Edo. Basic human rights should allow you to lay on a couch, read Jump and eat ice-cream. However, questionable choices lead to equivalent outcomes. First kisses lead to being dragged to councils of war. The harsh reality of a cop job leads to being too sleep-deprived to reject the orders, no matter how crazy. They'd spent half the night devising the plan and it was already in motion.

For the last hour Gintoki has been sitting in the backseat of a police car next to a smiling bastard and he failed to produce a logical explanation why. No rationale, no purpose. Laws of their universe were broken the moment Hijikata appeared more relaxed than him. Now, whoever said that mystery was attractive... _ought to shut up._

Never before had Gintoki caught him with such a gentle smile. It was the opposite of the sadistic smirk which Hijikata usually sported during jouishishi massacres. If the enemy saw this new, heart-warming expression, that'd be an element of surprise. Else, he would slaughter those terrorists veeeery gently.

"Hey, you look nervous. Are you okay?" Hijikata asked, pulling Gintoki out of his day-dream.

"What? Me? I'm totally fine!" _You, on the other hand, are not fine. What are you so happy about? And why are you polite to me, asshole?!_

Another faint little possibility popped into his head. What if... what if Hijikata started to enjoy his company?

That wouldn't be so bad.

 

 

A single, ugly industrial bulding emerged from behind the woods. According to the intel, the terrorists used it to store ammunition and were going to meet there at noon. It could be the only chance to catch them.

Their car stopped next to a dozen other vehicles. They took two squads still in full health, a medical team and an extra truck for the criminals. Everyone was already standing ready for orders from Hijikata, who was the head of the whole operation today.

"Surround the whole property and don't let any rats escape," he adressed one of the squads. His confident tone left no space for arguments. "The rest comes with me. We're going in guns blazing."

They barged in through the main gate into a great dining hall and yelled their usual greeting. "It's the Shinsengumi! Drop your weapons-" aaaaand the intel got it wrong. The refectory was devoid of jouishishi. However, they must've escaped in a hurry. Some uneaten food remained on the tables, chairs strewn around.

"Guys, don't relax yet. They might be hiding on the upper floors. Harada, your squad takes the stairs on the left, me and Sakata will take the right. Watch out for any traps," Hijikata commanded.

On any other occasion, Gintoki would comment on the amount of trust the Vice-Chief put in his power, but he wasted no time and followed him into a dark stairwell. They rushed to the second floor, bypassing dirt and packages dumped along the way. Among various filthy odors, a distinct aroma sweetened the air. Almonds? Here, out of all places?

Hijikata approached one of the doors in the windowless corridor and inclined his ear to it. "It's silent. I'm going in, cover me."

Gintoki nodded and clung to the wall on the other side of the door. He tightened the grip on his sword while his teammate squeezed the handle. _'Wait, something's wrong,'_ he didn't get a chance to say, before a blast wave teared his eardrums.

The explosion smashed the door into pieces. Hijikata was lying against the opposite wall.

"No..." Gintoki stumbled to him, dazed. He dropped to his knees and shook the limp body. "Fuck, no!" He frantically checked his pulse and breath. Still there.

He looked behind at the open room they were supposed to enter. It was full of just-a-ways ready to blow up. He should've fucking remembered that weird smell of explosives. A small trail of fire was already making its way to trigger them, so Gintoki needed to act fast. He grabbed his radio and made a quick call. "To all squads, retreat, the whole building is a trap!"

Then he lifted Hijikata off the ground and carried him out.

_Please, don't die._

 

 

The doctors said that it's okay to let him sleep until he recovers. That he is responsive and will be fine. Gin tried to calm himself when he started to tense up once more.

The hours flew seamlessly in the barracks. People came and went. Food was barely touched. He sat in Hijikata's room like a watchdog, embarrassed by his awkward thoughts and by what he did for his own comfort. It was not to be spoken of, ever.

Gintoki kneeled by Hijikata's bedside and studied his untroubled features. He caressed the silky black hair, never disturbing his rest. And never knowing why, he was at peace again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Hijikata squinted dry eyes against the light. The haze dissipated slowly and he recognized familiar surroundings. So, it must be over... He rubbed his head, trying to remember what happened. Where's...

"Toshi! You finally woke up! Thank God," some mountain gorilla cried out and trapped him in his arms.

"Kondo-san... where's Gintoki?"

 _Oi, what the fuck, Toushirou, you just said his name out loud_.

Nevertheless, Kondo showed no signs of surprise at the question and instead flashed a wide grin. "Take it easy, Toshi. He stayed here with you the whole day and night until this morning, when I kicked him out. Had to assure him that I would watch over you. Right now he's probably resting in his room, at least he should. I'm so glad you two get along! But most importantly, I'm glad that you're alive, you made both him and me worry so much!"

Hijikata.exe has encountered a critical error. Please try again later.

"It's almost dinner time. I'll get you something-"

"Thanks, but I need a walk." And a cigarette or five. More than a day passed by, his nicotine levels must be dangerously low and he was mishearing stuff. "I'm alright. You should go watch over the whole Shinsengumi, not just me... Sorry for the trouble," Hijikata whispered the last part and escaped to the messhall.

 

 

There sat the silver mop. Repeatedly thrusting a spoon into his little pudding, for no apparent reason. His eyes lit up when he noticed Hijikata coming his way. He went from miserable to super excited in a matter of seconds but then forced back to the old, emotionless, dead-fish expression.

"Yo. Back from the dead, I see," Gintoki greeted him and at last took a bite of whatever sweet nonsense he was having.

Hijikata leaned on the table. "Heh. Alive and ready to supervise your duties. Are you up for a little round in the neighbourhood after dinner?"

"Man, control yourself, please. You shouldn't walk. What would Gorilla say if he saw you working?"

"What if I ordered you to go with me and not tell a word?" Hijikata grew a dangerous taste for power abuse. Some self-restraint would actually be welcome.

"Jeez, fine..." Gintoki surrendered easily. Still, he wasn't comfortable and it showed. If only they both weren't such overthinkers and dropped the burden from their shoulders. "In the past, you know..." he finally said, "I've lost people. Way too many of them."

"I presumed as much. And so have I. But we're here now." Hijikata put a hand on his shoulder as an assurance, a substitute for lack of better words. Emotional conversations weren't his forte.

Despite that, Gintoki smiled lightly, and it meant a world.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Two asshats strolled around the streets of Edo, laughing about collapsed buildings and failures to catch any joui. Too busy with themselves to care who listened.

Little did they know that they were spotted by none other than Katsura Kotarou! Haha, hahaha!

 


End file.
